I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
