My sheets look like a crime scene.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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