she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
