Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
