she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
