I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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