I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
