oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
