I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
