This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
