I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
