I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Is it penis luge time yet?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
