im drinking this country out of the recession.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
