listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
