You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
