Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
