Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
