Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
