Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
