there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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