Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
