that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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