I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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