you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
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