great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
