I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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