Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
