someone threw a dead crab at me
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
