She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
They have beer where we have blood.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
