im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's blow job season.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
