Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
