omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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