Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
