Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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