First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My life is pants optional.
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