at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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