I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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