You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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