Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
