My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize