that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize