Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
