He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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