I understand Curling. That high.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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