just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
