I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
