I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
