I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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