census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
