Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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