The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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