He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
