That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
