She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
