um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just google imaged poop.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
