he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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