South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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