He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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