Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
