So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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