i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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