he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
