remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
