I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I checked into jail on foursquare
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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