3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
