so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
