i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
