i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
