Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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